A growing company in Southfield, seeks a team player who can walk on water. Must have strong presentation in 11 languages, including Klingon. Ideal candidate can work independently and telepathically. Requires 2 hours sleep, 3 on weekends, and possesses Masters degree, Nobel Peace Prize, and membership in at least 3 secret societies. References must include one living president. Applicant must submit an original self-portrait in watercolor and 800 page memoir, along with your resume. This position is for a summer internship.