This weekend will be mostly Bible teaching on Four Ways to Build Better Relationships.
- Love (2 Cor. 12:15 NKJV)
- Honor (1 Peter 2:17)
- Humility (Proverbs 28:13)
- Mercy (Matthew 18:21-22; Eph. 4:30-32)
What we do when we gather in the barn will be part Bible teaching, part practical seminar-like instruction, part story-telling, and personal testimony. I’ve been praying what I have to share will help you strengthen your fellowship God, see Jesus as sufficient, and deepen your fellowship with your loved ones.
Each day shortly before the session I hope to post helpful notes that go along with the teaching for those of you who find them helpful. You can follow along, or just use them to remind you of what you learned this weekend.
–Ken Pierpont
Notes for Friday Evening:
Psalm 66:16 “Come and listen all you who fear the Lord and I will tell what great things the Lord has done for my soul.”
How Do I Know What I Am Going to Tell You is True?
- —I have see people obey it and achieve beauty.
- —I have seen people ignore it and suffer.
- —I have experienced the blessing of it.
- —Sometimes the one who ignored it or did not obey and it was I who experienced the heartbreak of chastisement. (Hebrews 12:4-14)
So I will speak from personal experience knowing the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat but More than anything I know what I am going to tell you is true because I will prove it is the clear teaching of the Eternal Word of God. As such it is the difference between hope and despair. To despair is to turn your back on God—Hope is building your life on the promises of God! The Word. The Truth of God.
—What is my purpose? To help you build better relationships… by knitting your heart to Christ, and the Spirit who gives the impulse and empowerment/enablement to apply these qualities in your home, church, and life.
“His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire.” (2 Peter 1:3–4, ESV)
Power Tools For Building Better Relationships. You need to have them and you need to know how to be a “power-user.”
- Love
- Honor
- Humility
- Mercy
Deuteronomy 6:2-21
Deuteronomy 7:9-11
Deuteronomy 8:17-18
Psalm 78:1-7
Notes for Saturday Morning: Love
2022-02 Saturday Morning
1—Love
(Preach from little testament)
Intro: Show them my books… The greatest command in the Bible. The Grand Master Key to the Universe. The most powerful tool ever for Building Better Relationships is LOVE. [ill] “The House Rules”
The power and the priority of love in Scripture.
Love is the fulfillment of all that God requires. “And one of the scribes came up and heard them disputing with one another, and seeing that he answered them well, asked him, “Which commandment is the most important of all?” Jesus answered, “The most important is, ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”” (Mk 12:28–31)
Love is the fulfillment of God’s Commands.
“Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.” (Romans 13:8, ESV)
“And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”” (Matthew 22:39–40, ESV)
“If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” “ (James 2:8, ESV)
Love is more powerful than Spiritual gifts. 1 Cor. 13:13 …now abide faith, hope and love but the greatest of these is love.
Love is the greatest evidence of God (Spirit) at work in a person. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” (Galatians 5:22–23, ESV)
Love is the apex of Christian virtues: “For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.” (2 Peter 1:5–7, ESV)
“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” (Colossians 3:12–14, ESV)
2 Cor. 12:15 A POWERFUL LIFE LESSON
(from my little brown New Testament)
1. I will/we will love with joyful willingness. “…very gladly…”
2. I will/we will love with selfless sacrifice. “…spend…”
3. I will/we will love beyond reasonable limits. “…and and be spent…”
4. I will/we will love for the highest good of the one loved. “…for your souls…” Sometimes love had to be tough
—Love is not indulgence.
—Love is not mere sentimentalism.
—Love is not mere romanticism.
—Love is acting for the highest good of another.
—Love is not afraid to say when the bridge is out…
5. I will/we will love, trusting God to help… me my/our needs. “…the more I love you the less I am loved…”
It is not my job as a pastor or as a husband or as a father to get people to love me. It is my assignment to love like Jesus loved and show people the love of Jesus.
Building Something Beautiful Together. Lois and I on BSFarm. Planting. Growing.
But Even If You Build Alone. But the things I am going to teach you from scripture are powerful even when, as often they are, they are practiced alone.
Three Questions:
Q. What if I don’t feel love? Jesus said; “Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also…” It does not take maturity or discipline for actions to follow feelings, but wise and mature people discover that feelings often follow noble actions. (ill) Moody student, Lutzer: “Love is not basically a feeling. Love is a commitment.”
Q. What if the one I love does not love me back? Trust God to meet your deepest needs for love that no man—no woman can ever meet. There is a reward for giving and for loving that is greater than anything money can buy.
Q. What if I’ve tried and I just can’t? No one can love as we should, but Jesus did and does and will through us. The righteousness of Christ and the power fo the Holy Spirit.
Remember that the fruit of the Spirit includes love. Walking in the Spirit is continually obeying the impulses of the Spirit in the power of the Spirit yielding the fruit of the Spirit. In other words, the Spirit within you will faithfully prompt you to love.
There is no end to God’s love once you start giving it away.
Could we with ink the ocean fill
and were the skies of parchment made,
were every stock on earth a quill
and every man a scribe by trade,
to write the love of God above
would drain the ocean dry,
nor could the scroll contain the whole
though stretched from sky to sky.”
Conclusion: We/I will love like Jesus loves.
Notes for Saturday Evening:
2022-03 Saturday Evening
The Power of Honor
Scriptures on Honor:
—Honor in the Home
Marriage should be treated with honor. “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” (Hebrews 13:4, ESV)
Husband should treat their wives with honor. “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” (1 Peter 3:7, ESV)
Wives should honor husbands. “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33, ESV)
Mothers and Fathers should be shown honor. Fifth Commandment: Honor your father and mother…
—Honor in the Church
Elders should be treated with honor. “Let the elders who rule well be considered worthy of double honor, especially those who labor in preaching and teaching.” (1 Timothy 5:17, ESV)
Everyone should show honor to every other person. “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” (Romans 12:10, ESV)
“Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.” (1 Peter 2:17, ESV)
The most common man or woman in the church should be treated with special honor. “…and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another.” (1 Corinthians 12:23–25, ESV)
Children offended… better if they were drowned… Children should be shown honor.
Widows would be shown honor. “Honor widows who are truly widows.” (1 Timothy 5:3, ESV)
The elderly should be honored. ““You shall stand up before the gray head and honor the face of an old man, and you shall fear your God: I am the Lord.” (Leviticus 19:32, ESV)
Honor in Anywhere in the World.
Employers should be shown honor. “Let all who are under a yoke as bondservants regard their own masters as worthy of all honor, so that the name of God and the teaching may not be reviled.” (1 Timothy 6:1, ESV)
The King and the common man should have honor. “Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.” (1 Peter 2:17, ESV)
The Lord himself bestows honor on people: John 12:26 says, “If anyone serves Me, … the Father will honor him.” Psalm 91:14-15 say, “Because he has loved Me, … I will rescue him, and honor him.”
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” (Philippians 4:8, ESV)
How do you do it? Three Simple Steps.
DECISION: 1. Make the DECISION to attach high value to a person. Value other greater than yourself. God has already done this… (Ps 8) glory and honor. “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3, ESV) “For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.” (Romans 12:3, ESV)
MEDITATION: 2. Make a list of all the good things about the person and MEDITATE those things. …you could keep this in a valuable journal. “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” (Philippians 4:8, ESV)
List in your heart. (or a book) Go over it in your heart continually.
This is something we will have to work on…
ACTION: 3. EXPRESS what is on the list to them CONSISTENTLY and CREATIVELY. “Be doers of the word and not hearers only….” ““Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6:19–21, ESV)
Jesus taught three ways to love very powerfully… Mt 5:44
A. Bless the one you want to honor. Three things that make blessing powerful:
-Your Words are powerful
-Gods words are powerful
-God’s name is powerful
B. Do good to them. Prod. 3:9 honor the Lord with your wealth and with the first-fruits of all your produce. Gifts. Kind acts. Thoughtful notes. etc.
C. Pray for them. By name, regularly
Conclusion: You have not. You cannot. But there is on who has and will and does empower us to show honor! Jesus.
Philipians 2 who being in the form of God.
Arman-Turkey. I told you he would come. Help or leave me alone. I told them you would come. He knew that his father placed a high value on him. He was honored by his father. People are buried under rocks of sin and hurt and rejection and demonic hatred…. Those who understand the power of honor will come to their rescue.
Tim Keller’s sermon outlines look like this:
1. Here is what the text says.
2. Here is how we must live in light of it.
3. But we simply cannot do it.
4. Ah—but there is One who did!
5. Now, through faith in him, you can begin to live this way.
Notes for Sunday Morning:
2022-04 —Sunday Morning
Seeking Forgiveness (Humility)
This morning I want to talk to you about one of, if not the most, important practices or habits that contributes to building better relationships. This is powerful. I have seen it at work up close. I have personally experienced it. We have practiced it in our family. It is the practice of keeping a clear conscience before God and man—seeking forgiveness from those we have sinned against. [Imagine a whole family, but if you have to, practice this is no one else will].
The reason it was so powerful is because it is a basic Christian practice. This practice has always been foundational to the people of God.
When Solomon dedicated the Temple, (1 Kings 8:43-53; 54-56)
This is basic and essential to spiritual life. Sin brings more sin and bondage and guilt and heaviness and broken fellowship with others. God has always given his people a way to walk with God with a clear conscience. The garden, the tabernacle, the temple and so it should be in the Christian Church, when the saints assemble it is not a pep rally, or simply a teaching. It is not just praise and worship. It should sometimes be a solemn assembly a time of public humility and confession. There is much to confess.
Look at the prayers of Daniel and of Nehemiah and Isaiah. These were good and godly men, who lived righteous lives, but their prayers were full of confession.
Daniel 9:4-10; 19
Nehemiah 1:4-11; Nehemiah 9
Isaiah 6 I am a man of unclean lips and dwell among a people of unclean lips…
The Blessing of the Lord is on the repentant sinner. “Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered.” (Psalm 32:1, ESV) “Many are the sorrows of the wicked, but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord.” (Psalm 32:10, ESV) [story] Paid off books to keep my conscience clear and the good that came. Books. Gold Medallion Award judge. Paid book reviews. 120.00 a month. Counted as Senior project toward my degree. God blesses those who desire to clear their conscience.
The Proverbs teach that this is the way prosper and enjoy genuine success. “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.” (Proverbs 28:13, ESV)
“All these things my hand has made, and so all these things came to be, declares the Lord. But this is the one to whom I will look: he who is humble and contrite in spirit and trembles at my word.” (Isaiah 66:2, ESV)
This practice is essential to Christian flourishing. It is essential to healthy marriages and strong families and church fellowship. Without this practice our families and our churches are not truly Christian. We are not following the way of Jesus. We are not listening to and practicing the teaching of Jesus.
DAVID’S CONFESSION. The measure of a man or woman of God is not their sinless perfection but what they do when they are confronted with their sin, their penitence, their contrition, their repentance, their humility before God, their resolve to maintain a conscience void of offense before man and God. Above all this is what God wants from us. Psalm 51 esp. “For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.” (Psalm 51:16–17, ESV)
JESUS WAS CLEAR THAT HE WANTS THIS MORE THAN WORSHIP. “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.” (Matthew 5:23–24, ESV)
In one of his most beautiful stories he gave this example… “I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you.” (Luke 15:18, ESV)
A CLEAR CONSCIENCE BEFORE GOD AND MAN
The Apostle Paul said that he always is careful to… “…have a clear conscience toward both God and man.” (Acts 24:16, ESV)
Paul said this a way to avoid shipwreck “holding faith and a good conscience. By rejecting this, some have made shipwreck of their faith,” (1 Timothy 1:19, ESV) The great meltdown of a life. (Psalm 19:13—life dominating sins that lead to the Great Transgression). [story] young man who said “I failed to take leadership. I apologize.” Almost as if to say I wasn’t quite controlling enough…
The writer of Hebrews said this is basic to spiritual maturity. “But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil.” (Hebrews 5:14, ESV) [story] Conrad V. a mature Christian. Discouraged me… until he got hit between the eyes with a 2 x 4.
Peter wrote of the importance of keeping a clear or good conscience when in a situation of persecution or misunderstanding: “Now who is there to harm you if you are zealous for what is good? But even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame. For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God’s will, than for doing evil. For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive in the spirit,” (1 Peter 3:13–18, ESV)
When we clear our own conscience we avoid judgment. “Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. Therefore whatever you have said in the dark shall be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in private rooms shall be proclaimed on the housetops.” (Luke 12:2–3, ESV)
“This is how one should regard us, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God. Moreover, it is required of stewards that they be found faithful. But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by any human court. In fact, I do not even judge myself. For I am not aware of anything against myself, but I am not thereby acquitted. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore do not pronounce judgment before the time, before the Lord comes, who will bring to light the things now hidden in darkness and will disclose the purposes of the heart. Then each one will receive his commendation from God.” (1 Corinthians 4:1–5, ESV)
“But if we judged ourselves truly, we would not be judged.” (1 Corinthians 11:31, ESV)
THIS SHOULD BE ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT OF THE “FAMILY RULES” IN EVERY HOUSEHOLD. [STORY] Beautiful wall hanging of family practices—family rules—house rules (Romans 12:9-21) [story] Take down the signs in the Character Inn. Substitute relationships. Build relationships. If your daughter is disrespectful don’t go nail a sign up in her room. Take a walk. Look her in the eyes.
—Kid who is disrespectful and ungrateful? What should you do? Show them.
—Who should start? The leader. Dad.
—How can you get the dad to do that? Show him.
—What if mom needs to do this… who is going to show her?
—Who wants to be like Jesus….
Who will take up their cross and follow Jesus?
—Everybody says they want to be like Jesus, but nobody wants to take up their cross… Nothing good happens until someone takes up their cross and follows Jesus. Who wants to be like Jesus first?
1—Acknowledge Blame and Guilt. List their offenses and sins. Acknowledge them. Now list your own and try to re-live them in your heart and in your emotions. Try to see them through their eyes.
2—Determine to seek forgiveness for any wrong you have done no matter how small.
3—Plan the right wording and the right time and place.
4—Don’t imply blame. Don’t bring up anything against them.
5—Confess the sin and any other incidents and confess the attitude behind the sin. Don’t say. I failed to take leadership… say; I was wrong for calling you profane names, for mocking your parents, and for showing contempt for you as a person. [story] Dave Berger—I own you an apology.
Use these seven powerful words:
I was wrong. Will you forgive me?
Do it now. Do not wait. “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:26–32, ESV)
Think of this: If unresolved offenses cause demonic oppression, if they contribute to other things, moral confusion, etc. What if you could reverse them? If and when you can would you not start by being honest with God and asking his forgives and then going to the ones in the family who were hurt and seeking their forgiveness… might God not set them free—miraculously free?
What would your children, wife, husband, parents, co-workers say? Would any of them say, “He wronged me and never tried to make it right.”
Humble yourself. God will exalt the humble. God will give his grace to the humble. God will pour himself out on the humble. He promised.
CONCLUSION: “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” (Psalm 139:13–14, ESV)
Sunday Evening Notes:
4—Seeking Forgiveness II (Humility)
We are in a series of messages on Building Better Relationships. Here is my very best relationship advice: Three Things:
—Don’t sin against them.
—If you do, make it right.
—When you make it right, do it right… not sorry/not sorry
Time Magazine:
How to Do It: First Clear Your Conscience with God.
When we clear our own conscience we avoid judgment. “Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. Therefore whatever you have said in the dark shall be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in private rooms shall be proclaimed on the housetops.” (Luke 12:2–3, ESV)
“…do not pronounce judgment before the time, before the Lord comes, who will bring to light the things now hidden in darkness and will disclose the purposes of the heart…” (1 Corinthians 4:1–5, ESV)
“But if we judged ourselves truly, we would not be judged.” (1 Corinthians 11:31, ESV)
Even if it is small, take care of it. Even if it was long ago.
Follow the Seven “A’s” of Apology: The Peacemaker by Ken Sande: (Seven “A’s” of Apology)
-
- Address everyone involved (All those whom you affected) public sin and private apology… confess secret sin… NO
- Avoid if, but, and maybe (Do not try to excuse your wrongs)
- Admit specifically (Both attitudes and actions)
- Acknowledge the hurt (Express sorrow for hurting someone) relive through their emotions.
- Accept the consequences (Such as making restitution) [ill] guy hit my care and brought me a large check.. he is forgiven and I don’t even think about it…. if he had wept and apologized and not paid me, I will still be thinking about it all the time…
- Alter your behavior (Change your attitudes and actions)
- Ask for forgiveness
Tell a story and walk through the Seven “A’s” of Apology
What Will Happen if You Don’t:
—Damage to relationships.
—Open to oppression (Ephesians 4)
—Possible judgement or chastisement. (James 5) confess your sin… many are sick and some have died…
—More sin and worse sin in you and others.
—God will resist you… He resists the proud. Damages intimacy with God.
Do it now. Do not wait. “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:26–32, ESV)
What Will Likely Happen if You Do:
—It often works to build stronger relationships.
—It often causes others to do what they should do, it inspires others to confess
—It is so hard it motivates you not to sin again.
—The burden passes to others and you are free!
—God will help you. God resists the proud, but He blesses those who humble themselves… Give’s grace.
Conclusion: THIS SHOULD BE ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT OF THE “FAMILY RULES” IN EVERY HOUSEHOLD.
—We treat one another with love. We show honor to one another. When we do wrong, we ask forgiveness.
Beautiful wall hanging of family practices—family rules—house rules (Romans 12:9-21)
[story] Take down the signs in the Character Inn. Substitute relationships. Build relationships. These rules need to be written on our souls…
Imagine this scenario—the disrespectful daughter:
—What should you do? Hang a big sign? Sin against them? Make it hurt? Make them pay? NO Show them!
—Who should start? The leader. Dad.
—How can you get the dad to do that? Show him.
—What if mom needs to do this… who is going to show her?
—Who wants to be like Jesus…. Who will take up their cross and follow Jesus?
—Everybody says they want to be like Jesus, but nobody wants to take up their cross… Nothing good happens until someone takes up their cross and follows Jesus. Who wants to be like Jesus first?
“Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!”
(Psalm 139:23–24, ESV)
Monday Morning Notes:
5—Showing Mercy
How to Forgive: (Think—we are a merciful family—hundreds and hundreds of times). Five Things I’m Learning About Following Jesus and Mercy. But it is hard. Here are some things that will help you:
1. Understand the difference between love, forgiveness, pardon, reconciliation and trust.
—You offer forgiveness—But God pardons
—You love—they must rebuild trust. Trust must be earned.
—both must participate to reconcile.
[story] Brothers (Bondy) who did a listening session—then they had communion, then one of them died suddenly of a heart attack. It was good they reconciled when they did. Their parents would have been heart-broken. Their Heavenly Father, too.
2. Decide if you are really going to follow Jesus. Are you really a believer? will you take up your cross?
—Love Your Enemy. Voluntarily invest in your offender.(this is the Jesus way) treasure/heart (ill) Say good. Do good. Pray.
““But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either.” (Luke 6:27–29, ESV)
—Bless the offender by having a genuine desire to see good come to his life… God bless him with repentance, restoration, and honor. Discern lacking character qualities and from our hearts ask God to give them this qualities emotionalize and imagine good for them.
—Be prepared to do this hundreds and hundreds of times.
“Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.” (Matthew 18:21–22, ESV) See also the rest of the chapter
—Don’t let hate become your emotional focus. According to the Bible (John) we are only capable of one emotional focus. “If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.” (1 John 4:20, ESV)
—Release God from Expectations of Ease. Don’t Look for a Life of Ease and [story] Angry because he no longer give you 100 a day
3. Take mercy seriously. It is spiritual warfare.
-Give place to the Devil (Ephesians 4)
-Jailor—who tortures. (Matthew 18) parable of unforgiving servant.
—Trust God to judge and mete out vengeance if needed.
“Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12:17–21, ESV)
“For I am not aware of anything against myself, but I am not thereby acquitted. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore do not pronounce judgment before the time, before the Lord comes, who will bring to light the things now hidden in darkness and will disclose the purposes of the heart. Then each one will receive his commendation from God.” (1 Corinthians 4:4–5, ESV)
—Read the Psalms and you will clearly see this that God will take vengeance on evil-doers.. (Psalm 37)
—See the ones who hurt you as agents of God.
God is working though them to accomplish God’s special purposes in my life. Are you going to have a message when you get to the next town?
Demons were unwitting agents in the work of God. “None of the rulers of this age understood this, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory.” (1 Corinthians 2:8, ESV)
Joseph; “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.” (Genesis 50:20, ESV)
Job; “And he said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”” (Job 1:21, ESV)
David; “But the king said, “What have I to do with you, you sons of Zeruiah? If he is cursing because the Lord has said to him, ‘Curse David,’ who then shall say, ‘Why have you done so?’ ” And David said to Abishai and to all his servants, “Behold, my own son seeks my life; how much more now may this Benjaminite! Leave him alone, and let him curse, for the Lord has told him to. It may be that the Lord will look on the wrong done to me, and that the Lord will repay me with good for his cursing today.”” (2 Samuel 16:10–12, ESV)
Paul; “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28, ESV)
But I can’t. You can’t but there is One who did… and in the Righteousness of Christ and Power of the Spirit you can…
Jesus; “And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” And they cast lots to divide his garments.” (Luke 23:34, ESV)—but you know whaat you are doing through them…
Daily remove the weeds of bitterness from your heart and your heart will be a garden of beautiful things.
Six Questions to Ask When Something Bad or Bitter Happens to You:
1—What good
2—How is this making me like Jesus
3—How can I glorify God in this?
4—Who can I help with what I’m learning?
5—How does God want me to think about this?
6—How does God want me to talk about this?
Bonus Material Below:
- Fifteen Things Do When You Live With a Contentious Person
- Five Practices to Follow When A Loved One Stays From Trust in God.
- Eight Things That Can Happen When You Listen Well
What to Do When You Live With a Contentious Person
(Fifteen Biblical Responses to A Contentious Person).
[This was originally written from the perspective of a husband dealing with a contentious wife, but it applies to all who deal with people who are contentious].
1–Avoid Evil people when you can.
“I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them. For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naive.” (Romans 16:17–18, ESV)
2–As much as it is possible live at peace. Create spaces where you can remove yourself and do productive things.
“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” (Romans 12:18, ESV)
“Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.” (1 Corinthians 16:13–14, ESV)
“It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.” (Proverbs 21:9, ESV)
“It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.” (Proverbs 21:19, ESV)
“It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.” (Proverbs 25:24, ESV)
3–Love them like Jesus loves you. Don’t be harsh with them.
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,” (Ephesians 5:25, ESV)
“Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.” (Colossians 3:19, ESV)
4–Keep your promises to act in a loving way continually even if you are cursed or or hated or abused.
““But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either.” (Luke 6:27–29, ESV)
Do projects that benefit the family. Arrange and care for the home. Do storage projects. Don’t expect these will please them, but they are ways to love and invest and do good and live at peace. In the colder weather go down to the basement and make it extremely neat and orderly. Do projects down there that benefit your home and family.
5–Make sure their curses are without cause:
“Like a sparrow in its flitting, like a swallow in its flying, a curse that is causeless does not alight.” (Proverbs 26:2, ESV)
6–Show loving-kindness and tenderness whenever you can. Walk in the Spirit. Keep Continually obeying the impulses of the Spirit in the power of the Spirit even when you are hurt or sinned against and it will produce the fruit of the Spirit. (Walking in the Spirit is continually obeying the impulses of the Spirit in the power of the Spirit, which yields the fruit of the Spirit). Gal. 5
“Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.” (Colossians 3:19, ESV)
“But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit.” (Galatians 5:16–25, ESV)
7–Be like Jesus. Do not be selfish or think only of yourself. Give and serve others and lay down your life.
“So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain.” (Philippians 2:1–16, ESV)
8–Do not get involved in argumentation and do not react sinfully to an attack.
“The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out.” (Proverbs 17:14, ESV)
9–Don’t engage in conversation that is just a lure to attack.
““Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you.” (Matthew 7:6, ESV)
10–Don’t Try to correct them. They will only be more contentious. Let God deal with them.
“Whoever corrects a scoffer gets himself abuse, and he who reproves a wicked man incurs injury. Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you; reprove a wise man, and he will love you.” (Proverbs 9:7–8, ESV)
“A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike; to restrain her is to restrain the wind or to grasp oil in one’s right hand.” (Proverbs 27:15–16, ESV)
11–Don’t blow up and vent your anger:
“A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.” (Proverbs 29:11, ESV)
12–Do not return anger for anger. Trust the Lord to judge.
“When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.” (1 Peter 2:23, ESV)
“This is how one should regard us, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God. Moreover, it is required of stewards that they be found faithful. But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by any human court. In fact, I do not even judge myself. For I am not aware of anything against myself, but I am not thereby acquitted. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore do not pronounce judgment before the time, before the Lord comes, who will bring to light the things now hidden in darkness and will disclose the purposes of the heart. Then each one will receive his commendation from God.” (1 Corinthians 4:1–5, ESV)
13–Strengthen yourself and encourage yourself in the Lord. Deepen your relationship with God when you are being abused.
“And David was greatly distressed, for the people spoke of stoning him, because all the people were bitter in soul, each for his sons and daughters. But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God.” (1 Samuel 30:6, ESV)
14–Always try to see yourself in the mirror before you look at the faults of the other.
“You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” (Matthew 7:5, ESV)
In the presence of my enemy. Don’t tell her things. She will use what you say against you.
15–Leave all the children and other people completely out of it. It is not necessary or right to draw them into it. It is not their business. Keep them out of it. Don’t talk to other people about it. The only exception would be a qualified counselor.
Treat the Contentious Person As You Would An Enemy. Bless. Do Good. Pray (Matthew 5:44 NKJV)
AS LONG AS YOU HAVE ONE BEAT LEFT IN YOUR HEART
Five Practices to Follow When A Loved One Strays from Trust in God.
1—CONFESS any past wrongs and make them right. Keep your relationship very strong. Don’t turn away from them. Don’t react sinfully to their sinful actions. Don’t manifest any anger of any kind.
“Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:1–2, ESV)
2–BE AN EXAMPLE of faithful Christian grace and living. Show them what it looks like.
“Brothers, join in imitating me, and keep your eyes on those who walk according to the example you have in us.” (Philippians 3:17, ESV)
3–PRAY without ceasing for them to think about things the way God wants them to think about things. Pray that God will bring into their path someone they admire that will speak the truth to them.
““But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.” ’ And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.” (Luke 15:17–20, ESV)
4–LOVE them the way the Spirit directs you to love them and never quit not matter how hurt you feel with them or even angry. Be very creative. Love in a variety of ways. Love by listening even when what you hear is hard to take, even when you disagree.
“And have mercy on those who doubt; save others by snatching them out of the fire; to others show mercy with fear, hating even the garment stained by the flesh.” (Jude 22–23, ESV)
5—LISTEN. Speak or write words of counsel to them only when you are sure you are being led of the Spirit and they have shown a clear readiness, lest you further alienate them–Do not cast your pearls… you know…
“And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.” (2 Timothy 2:24–26, ESV)
DO THIS AS LONG AS YOU HAVE ONE BEAT LEFT IN YOUR HEART.
Eight Powerful Reasons to Improve Your Listening Skills
I recently read a biography of Eugene Peterson by Winn Collier. (A Burning In My Bones) Peterson was well-known for his words, especially his written words. He wrote books that will be in print for a long time. He wrote a very popular paraphrase of the Bible. You could say he was famous for his words, but those who knew him best would say that he was a very skilled listener. He was very slow to speak. He was very slow to give advice. He was a listener. He considered listening one of his most important pastoral skills.
Here are eight reasons listening is so powerful:
1—When you listen well you often diffuse anger. Prov. 15:1 “A soft answer turns away wrath…” Proverbs 29:11 — “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.”
2—When you listen well you communicate love. Phil. 2:3-5 “…love is patient, kind…”
3—When you listen well you show honor. 1 Peter 3:7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
4—When you listen well you learn. (Prov. 19:27) “Cease to hear instruction my son and you will stray from the words of knowledge.” (Prov. 2:1-4) You can learn while you are talking but you can’t learn without listening and attending. You just cannot learn without paying careful attention. In conversation, when I really want to learn. I try to ask questions and summarize. I don’t want to interrupt.
5—When you listen well you are equipped to guide, teach, and protect others. (Prov. 18:2) “A fool has no delight in understanding, but in expressing his own heart.” It can be useful to talk about yourself, but if you really want to teach or guide others, you have to listen to them and talk about them.
6—When you listen well you help and heal. Proverbs 20:5 Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water, But a man of understanding will draw it out.
7—When you listen well you can help others reconcile and resolve conflict. Peacemakers are good listeners. (Matthew 18:15-17) “If he does not listen…” (Phil. 2:4) not just his own interests, but the interests of others.
8—When you listen well you are prepared to share the gospel effectively. Listening gives you insight into a persons soul so you can see the cracks where the gospel goes in.
I always want to learn and grow and progress in faith, character, and virtue. Since I was a child I have been known to be verbal, but I want to be a skilled and loving listener. God helping me.